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Sun and warm breeze though you know the winter's coming; we all of uswanted to run, to fly over the hills, to feel sunbaked air rushing past-- take the grey, this time, Ottie, let 'im gallop for you. Leg slungover strong, wide back, a gallop, farther than you think you should,muscles beneath warm horsehair working, hot and glowing. Blood pumping,heat rising from the great animal heaving beneath you, between yourlegs. And then you're soaring.Something's changing.Sometimes, in the evening, when he takes a bath, I see -- he is lesscareful now, he isn't staying out of sight. The modesty you keep, forstrangers, he doesn't fret so much about. Not thinking, I go one nightto fetch a comb, he's stepping into the bath, I see everything. Blush,but do not look away. As I said, a big man. I see him growing, risingtowards me, a flush of warm blood, pink-brown pillar."Ottie" he whispers.And I flee.xxxxxFor I still watch when the train is due. I stand there on the porch,hand lightly resting on the. We found a quiet spot on the back porch and settled into the overstuffed chairs. Dad lit a smoke and began to speak."You're looking good. Are you happy with Connie?" Yes, Daddy, I am," I replied. "She makes me very happy." She's a pretty girl. Tall, too."I laughed. "Yeah, she is." Do you love her?" he asked.In answer, I showed him my ring. "Yes, I love her. Very much."Dad thought for a minute and said, "I don't know what to do to help heal the friction between you and your mother. I know she misses you, but she's a stubborn woman at times."Having had several days to think about seeing my parents again, I uttered the words I'd rehearsed in my mind, over and over."You can tell her I'm sorry, and that I didn't mean to cause her any pain. I think she's disappointed in me more than anything else." Not in you, personally, Jeanie. It's more about your behavior than anything." For her, I guess it is," I said. "For me, it's the only way I feel good inside. I don't want to be like her, and I.
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